I’m not really sure that regret is the right word but I don’t know what is so I’m going with it. Patrick rode his bike yesterday, like actually rode it. We have dabbled in it a little but this is the first time he has been independent on it and I was so proud! He is a pretty cautious guy so this has been a long time coming. As I was watching him and afterwords while we were playing in the back yard I started having those “what are we doing?!?!?” feelings.
I don’t know what our new living situation will really be like. I have seen pictures of the apartment and I have google mapped it but I don’t really feel like I know what the situation on the ground will be like. I’m scared there won’t be anywhere for him to ride a bike, I’m scared there won’t be a park nearby for us to play in. I already feel bad we won’t have a yard, Patrick has asked and expressed his disappointment on that front. We live in the city now but in West Seattle which is more of a suburb than the city and Casablanca will be real city living. We live in the land of parks and green space right now and I am worried I don’t know how to let my kids play and be kids without that.
The feeling that we have a great and extremely comfortable life here why would we give that up? Why would we bring that change down on our kids? Will they be able to be kids without those things? Will we be able to get Patrick a new bike when we get there? Will there be a place for him to ride it? This all kind of fits into my whole fear of the unknown thing. I don’t really know what we are walking into and that feels a little scary right now, and it’s also giving me some regrets about the life we are leaving behind.
Well that’s enough of my sad musings for one night.