Another week down! And school started for real!

I can’t believe another week has passed already! I haven’t written days, and so much had happened!

About a week ago David and I were talking one evening and he was mentioning that the school still didn’t have an art or music teacher for the year. Jokingly I said “well I could teach art!” Ha ha….. fast forward a few days and I’m interviewing, and another day and I’m being made an offer! So just like that I’m employed again… well sorta. It’s 4.5 hours a week, 2.25 on Tuesday and 2.25 on Friday. We decided to accept as long as the compensation would be worth it since we would have to find childcare for E. The compensation turned out to be worth it so I decided to give it a try. We were lucky to find childcare for E quickly at a center run by the mother of one of P’s teachers. We had a long beginning of the week on Monday and Tuesday because both David and I had to be at school for planning and the kids had to tag along. 

Wednesday school started for real and I’m going to be honest it was a rough (as in really shitty) day for me. I don’t start teaching till next week but we decided to to start E at her “school” this week so she would have a chance to adjust before next week. P also has half days all this week so he needed to be picked up early. E’s drop off is at 11:30 and P needed to be picked up by 12:15, which in theory should have been plenty of time. Well I misread the map to get there and we got lost on the way. This made me potentially late to pick up P unless I got a cab, but no cab would take me! Rookie mistake I had brought the stroller with me for getting E to school and not a single cab would take me with it. Next time I will bring just the carrier. So I was late, and lost, and tired, and hadn’t felt good to begin with. Eventually after many desperate texts with David and one tearful phone call someone from school had to come and get me 😩😢😫

It was a totally rough day, I had planned to picking E up around 2:30, but barely made it back to the apartment with P by 2 and I was exhausted, and sunburnt and totally overwhelmed. I called the center and the lady who runs it told me later was better because she was sleeping and that she had cried a little when she realized I was gone. She had been so happy at drop off and we had talked so much about her going I had hoped that wouldn’t happen. I of course then felt terrible but also still too intimidated to try and pick her up, and tired, so tired. Eventually it was settled that David would pick her up on his way home around 4:45, and P and I hung at home and rested for the afternoon. I felt terrible about that choice, and I regretted it and second guessed it all afternoon. And worried, and waited, and had ALL THE EMOTIONS!!! Honestly I was a bit of a mess. 

This is the first day that I have really felt overwhelmed and out of my element, and honestly I questioned if I was truly up to the challenge of this adventure we are on. I also really began to question having taken on teaching those art classes. Why not just stay home all the time with my sweet girl? I had missed her so much! I think that ultimately it will be a good experience for everyone but right now I feel a little defeated by the whole idea. 

Tomorrow is Friday and we have the whole dance to do again. I’m hoping I’m better prepared, both emotionally and practically (maps and knowing where I am and such), and I’m hoping drop off will go well with E. Wish me luck! And just for fun here are a few pics of the cute kids before all my shit hit the fan. 

I can’t get over how grownup he looks! How is that possible?

She was soooooo excited!

2 comments

  1. This sounds so hard, I deeply regret not listening more to your angst. I could tell you were scared for her.
    Perhaps Friday will be better, and frankly if it isn’t, there is no shame in a u-turn. You are a wise, young mother, with solid, good instincts. Listen to that wisdom and you will know what to do.

    Like

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